His & Hers

So, this second post is going to be a bit heavier than I would have liked…but that’s life, right?

Yesterday was an interesting day.  Everything was fine.  Not good. Not bad. Just…fine.  He and I were enjoying dinner and a little House, MD after work (all 8 seasons are on Netflix now! Waddup!)  He said something that wasn’t horrible but for some reason it made me snap.  I unloaded on every little thing that had been frustrating me lately.  Some things were due to him, but most of them were in my own head.  I’ve never been a great communicator; I know that.  It’s something I’ve always struggled with.  I’m trying to get better, but obviously I’m not quite there yet.  We went back and forth about nonsense for a good 30 minutes.  Taking turns letting it all out, raising our voices a bit, stopping and just staring, and then starting up again.  Finally we stopped.  He closed his eyes and laid in bed.  I grabbed my purse and keys.  I didn’t know where I was headed.  I just drove.  I ended up pulling into the venue where we’ll be getting married in 5 1/2 short months.  It’s only about 10-15 minutes from our home.  I just sat there.  In retrospect, I probably looked very creepy sitting alone in that car, with no one around at 10:00 at night. But for some reason, that’s where I ended up.  I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream.  I just sat there staring at the outdoor deck where we’ll say our vows and promise to love each other forever.

The longer I sat there, the more at peace I felt.  I reminded myself of who I am, who I want to be.  Who he is, who he will be and all of the reasons why I love him so.  Sure, we are not perfect. Is anyone?  Our life is messy and unpredictable, and sometimes it’s downright crappy.  But it’s mostly beautiful and exciting… and the thing is it’s our life and I couldn’t imagine sharing a life with anyone but him.

So after I took a breath, I drove back home, parked the car, and crawled into bed with him.  We said a few more words and then fell asleep together.  This morning on his way home from his early morning shift, he stopped by my office and we got a coffee down the street.  We talked for a bit.  We didn’t rehash the arguement or even try to apologize.  We just said I love you and went on talking about normal everyday life.

Is life always easy? No.  Are relationships ever perfect? No.  But finding someone who shakes you to your core, challenges you, knows all your secrets and still thinks you’re pretty damn amazing is really what it’s all about.

Happy Thursday, blogland.  Hope your day is filled with people who love you inside and out.