A lot of my very best decisions have been impulsive – dropping out of college in Boston when I knew it wasn’t right, moving to Maine for no good reason, kissing him for the very first time in my car at 2am during a snowstorm, quitting a crappy job without a back up plan, adopting a the cutest puppy, the list could go on. I’m great at making big impulsive decisions that make for big changes without giving it much thought. Luckily, it has never back fired and it has always ended up being exactly what I needed. Maybe it shouldn’t be catergorized as “impulse” but very abruptly following my intuition..my gut feeling. The older I get the more confident I feel in the choices I make, the “impulses”, the following my heart even if from the outside it seems insane. Sure, it could end up being a royal shit show but is there really any other choice?
What I’m not so great at is impulse purchases. I am a straight up crazy when it comes to sticking to my budget and saving every cent I possibly can for the future. Sure, that sounds ultra responsible and grown up but it also leaves me feeling guilty every time I spoil myself with something, which is not very good for my mental health or my life. I can never just buy myself a cup of coffee without thinking “omg I could have spent that $2.50 on something else. something better.” And while that’s sometimes a great thought and has helped me get closer and closer to becoming a homeowner someday…I really need to calm the ‘f down. I have to remind myself that yeah, I could have saved that $2.50 and spent it on something more useful, but I also work hard and deserve to enjoy a delicious cup of coffee and a walk around the neighborhood with him. Not every day…but more than never! It’s nice to be responsible but it’s also nice to remember to enjoy those little pleasures and not feel guilty whenever I decide to spoil myself.
All this to rambling to tell you a simple story. Last night on my way home from work I was exhausted. It was one of those days with a mile long to do list but things just kept popping up. I worked long hours and felt like I hadn’t done a single thing. I felt defeated and frustrated and blah. And that’s when I remember Ingrid Michaelson’s new album had just released. (she just happens to be my very favorite artist and probably the cutest human being alive). So, I went to Bull Moose and picked up her album on vinyl. I was so excited and couldn’t wait to get home and listen. Simple enough, right? But then, while I was trying to fall asleep I kept thinking “I have a wedding to pay for, and a honeymoon, and I really need to get my hair cut and should have gotten my oil changed 400 miles ago, and mother’s day is coming up, and…and..and.” Silently, I kept listing every little (responsible) thing I could have spent my money on. I told him how guilty I felt and he told me to ‘shhh’ and to just enjoy myself…and you know what I should. I don’t need to buy hundreds of dollars worth of new clothes or go out to dinner every night, but I do get to buy my favorite album and maybe some new scrapbook stuff, and a freakin coffee when I feel like it.
Does anyone else have this constant battle between their responsible side and their impulsive side? I can’t be the only one!
Happy Hump Day, friends. Also, kudos to Ingrid – this album makes my heart happy.
xoxo
Kel
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